Doodle at 2am on a post-it.

Tired at 2am

New ‘About Me’ page text

My New ‘About Me’ page for this blog

Early on in andrew’s life he decided that a non-conformist route would suit him best. Something perhaps to do with a rigid catholic school upbringing, but whatever it was, it has taken him down some interesting routes.

Andrew has been a ski-instructor, psychology teacher, I.T. consultant, car-park atendant, barrista, ski boot fitter, running shoe gait analyser, directory enquiries operator, shop worker. Phew!

What Andrew does for a living is important to him, whatever it happens to be at that time, it’s always something which resonates with his inner life.

“I want to connect with people, help them in some way, but I also feel it’s important to help myself by enjoying the process. Life can be about excitement and that’s what I constantly strive for.”

Writing is a integral part of Andrews life. His words allow him to express thoughts and ideas which otherwise would go unsaid and he wants his primary writing focus- topics of self-help and insight – to be that which will help others on their way. He is also in the process of writing a childrens book about a young girl who daydreams alot!

The way he wishes to help people as well as himself is not something he has fully defined yet but this blog has been a starting point on the road of inspiration. Read his post on ‘Life is like a game of table football’ for the type of writing he loves to do.

For the warriors, remembering who we want to be.

Recently I have been reading pages upon pages of articles about making money on the internet and of being your own boss.

I am interested in the other side of life, the non-conformist route to living. That route which takes me away from 9-5, takes me away from spending the majority of my waking hours sitting uninspired in front of a computer monitor earning money for someone else.

When we talk about the industrial revolution we talk of poor working conditions, of slavery like pay and hours. We believe its gone away, as if it’s somewhere in the past. Is it really?

Perhaps if you work uninspired behind a computer in a dimly lit, cave-like, office, you might like to think about whether that belief is true.

As I write these words a feeling of shame pervades my system, as if I should take those almost inflamatory words back. But I won’t, as I know that feeling is born of the need to conform, to apologise for the way I am and what I feel.

Well, I won’t do that. And I won’t listen to the people who tell me I should either. They are not my friends.

What I will do is point you towards places and people you can read about and listen to. People who have chosen to leave the ‘new industrial revolution’ to live a life that they themselves dreamt up.

This is fast becoming a passion of mine. And I am not alone.

Here’s a starter for you. Chris Guillebeau has an uncommon perspective on working life as he has never worked a ‘normal’ job. Embracing the possibilities the internet has to offer to communicate with people, he decided to live the way he wanted to, tell people about it and help them to do similarly, but importantly, only if they want to.

He sounds like a great guy, check out his site (subscribe to his blog, it makes some enlightening reading)…oh and download his pdf’s, they’re a great inspiration.

The Art of Non-Conformity

Andy

I want the world

I want the world

Feelings

Thoughts give you ideas to follow, feelings tell you where to go.

If I could focus my thoughts.

There is an argument for having a single focus. If I could capture all my stray thoughts into one venture I could own the world

Play the circle game (organizing your life)

Buy a copy of Steve Chandler’s (link) 100 Ways To Motivate Yourself: Change Your Life Forever. For those people who wish for a better life, reading one page a day is a fantastic way of giving yourself a reminder in the morning of the possibilites your life could hold. It’s an inspirational speed-up

I thought I would share one of the ‘100 ways’ I read this morning. This is Number 67 ‘Play the circle game ‘.

The day to day activities of life will serve to move your focus away from your dreams of a perfect life if you let it. By incorporating this game into your daily habits you can bring your focus back to what you want it to be.

Use this for realising your dreams. By ‘realising’ I mean not only bringing them to fruition but also understanding how they are not something in the far off future but are now, in this day, in every action you take.

Here are my efforts from this morning (excuse the scrawl!).

One of my life goals (click for larger image)

The idea is to draw four circles.

Label the first:

“Lifelong Dream”

Then write something into it.

For simplicity Steve Chandler uses a monetary example.

You want to, say, save half a million dollars for your retirement, write it into your circle.

Label the second “My Year”. Here you write what you need to save this year and every year (remember to include interest), in order to reach your Lifelong Dream target.

Then label the third circle “My Month”. What do you need to save this month in order to meet your yearly target. So now, half a million dollars doesn’t look so scary, you know if you that if you save XX thousands per month and repeat it, you’ll get there automatically.

Now label the fourth circle “My Day”. This is what you need to save today and could repeat every day, in order for it to be a successful month (It’s probably a much smaller number that you would imagine.)

You would need to read the book to get the proper description (and more inspirationally than I can put it over) but you get the idea.

It’s a process of goal setting but by spending 4 minutes a day reviewing this, you will keep your focus on your goals.

I have realised, for one of my lifelong dreams, ‘To be doing inspirational things everyday which will earn me $40,000 per year”, all I need to do is one inspired thing per day. Example, read an uplifting book or rss feed or listen to some great tunes.

From now on, my focus is to do one small inspirational thing per day, one medium sized one per month and one big one per year and I will actually be living an inspired life!!! Hold on, I thought an inspirational life was something I should aspire to. A life is a series of days so, no, I can actually do it right now!

100 Ways To Motivate Yourself: Change Your Life Forever has so many novel ideas for keep your spirit aloft, I love it.

Happiness is like playing a game of foosball.

A short while back I realised I wanted to play more table football. When I was younger I had always loved playing and I now wanted to do more of what I loved.

A happened to see an ad for a group of people who regularly played nearby so I went along. The very first meet was intimidating; new people. But trying to ignore that fear I found was actually quite a good player. Even though I was nowhere near as accomplished as the others they included me and I had a great time playing the games.

A couple of weeks later I began to lose that skill; not saving goals where I would’ve before and fluffing shots. My enthusiasm and my attendance waned.

I couldn’t understand it – surely I couldn’t be getting worse? I had enjoyed the first few times and it couldn’t be just as simple as the initial excitement wearing off, it felt more than that.

My mental task became understanding how I could return to that first night’s excitement.

One week I was in a particularly good mood and began saving goals and banging in shots. Recalling the first time I went, I suddenly realised why I had lost the interest and my enjoyment increased dramatically.

I had been playing with a lot of concentration on improving my technique, trying to do things I found I couldn’t do yet. The game isn’t about me playing at constantly trying improve my shots. But playing with – what I can only describe as – a carefree lack of abandon!

If I stop thinking how I am doing it, how much I could improve if I practiced a particular pass and instead just played the game it’s so much more exciting. The aim of the game is to score goals, why not have a shot. I know I can’t execute a perfect line pass, so just smack it up the front. If I play with good people it will more than likely all come together.

Is how I play my life similar? Is how you play your life similar?

It’s trivialising the issue to reduce the ‘problem’ to a few words but, just smack it up the front and somewhere along the way it will all come together!

This approach, is remarkably similar to the entrepreneurial spirit which many
self-help writers talk about in their work. It’s also similar to Nike’s ‘Just Do It’ slogan (which many people use as a personal mantra) and it’s similar to the ‘fake it until you make it’ process.

So can I just ‘lose the fear and dance with life’ instead of dancing around the edges?

What could I and you personally do to make the game of life more exciting?

Keep reading my blog for all the updates.

Change of blog title

For Sue

I have just been reading Pamela Stephenson’s biography on Billy Connolly.

His early life in subtle ways  reminded me of mine. It also reminded me of how much of what I do now really is just shadow play, playing with what I think I can do, rather than what I really can do.

I think in some ways, what I am doing now is a form of re-birth, a form of going back to what I perhaps should have been doing about the age of 17, testing, trying, doing small jobs to figure out who I am. Perhaps it is also a taking time to accept who I am and to understand some of my more obscure thoughts and beliefs.

At any rate, I believe I know who I am inside, but seeing through my thoughts is like coming down from a morning watch in a ships crows nest – seeing the deck, foggy below and needing to scale the complex rigging in order to get to the ground. Scary – but ultimately rewarding.

‘Dancing around the edges‘.

Is all this western freedom of choice a good thing?

Wooden Hope

An article in the English Sunday Telegraph magazine recently, talked about a famous film and the deeper nature of its story related to todays society. This paragraph hit me as perhaps one of the reasons many people feel frustrated with their lives.

“The key to the appeal…is the way it addresses the fundamental anxieties in American culture. ‘ What the story speaks to is mastering a sense of inadequacy that’s built into the American system. In other words: you’re free to become who you want. Which is terrifying, because you have no support. This sense of can I make it, am I good enough, do I have the right stuff? [the film] is a little capitalist bliss, everything’s perfect, shiny, grand. And I think it speaks about the longing and the feeling – the hope – that we’re all right inside ourselves and can reach that.’ “

The number one key to success…

Photo by: Mel

What disappeared as you grew up? What happened to this as you started to listen to other people’s opinions of you? What went as society started to tell you what you should be doing with your life?

Your imagination!

Einstein said :
“Imagination is more important that knowledge.”

Einstein said that?!

One would have thought Einstein would value things the other way around. But this is from a man who worked at a patent office in order for his mind to imagine the different answers to his questions.

I have admired from afar those who knew what they wanted their life to be like when they grew up. History shows us that many of them were born into adverse circumstances and many had early experience of positive role models, people who inspired them. These people’s role models or circumstances drove them to be more than they were so they effectively imagined their way out of a situation.

“If you can dream it, you can do it.”
-Walt Disney

Inspiration is akin to dreams, the drive (that many of us receive only in brief moments) to DO, the drive to BE. The motivation to improve, to discover, to grow.

This is powerful stuff!

I have spent years looking for the knowledge that would allow me to find the job that I love to do, only to realise that the happiness I seek isn’t outside but within.

But how do I do this, how do I dream my future Andy?

For now, try this.

As you go to sleep at night try to get a picture in your mind of what you would like part of your life to be like. If you can’t picture your home life then try your work life, if you can’t picture your work life then picture what car you would like. Pick the easiest thing to dream about. However small this dream is, it’s a start and you can build on it.

Try that and let me know how you feel inside when you do!

Imagination is more important than knowledge for knowledge is limited to all we now know… Albert Einstein

What if I didn’t own a car?

1994 1.6cl Excellent condition, 99,200 miles

If you didn’t own a car would you feel like a social outcast? Somewhat different from the rest of society?

I am preparing my car for sale, contemplating what it will feel like to be without one for the first time in 15 years. I am, on one hand, looking forward to it and on the other scared.

I suppose I am scared because the car to me is a method of obtaining a slice of personal freedom, or holding some control over my course in life. Not having one might mean I feel cooped up, or have to resort to the sheep like mode of transport that is public.

As with many things in my life, what I believe to be true is actually completely the opposite (thank goodness!) so in reality it will probably mean I will feel free-er than ever and might even improve my fitness levels (bike and walk being the new modes of transport).

Anyway, I secretly enjoy being different to most people. So if you see a cyclist speeding past you in a queue. Only to find him arrive at work at exactly the same time as you (whilst you have been sitting in the normal Monday traffic jam), be assured he is smiling as he locks it to the stand, safe in the knowledge he is not one of the crowd.

MOtiVatING mySELF

Motivation and hard work

I have been thinking about how to motivate myself. How to spur myself on to do something when there is no-one else to do it for me, or no-one to apologise to when it isn’t done.

This has permeated my life and reduced my potential.

So I decided to consider what it was that made me do things, that helped me to achieve goals and to see what it would take to replicate them in a way I could feel comfortable with.

I was recently given the honor of being a best man. Which meant that I needed to organise a stag party and give a speech at the wedding.

Now these were two very specific dates I *had* to do things by.

I am a person who doesn’t necessarily like, but is highly motivated by deadlines. It’s a perverse ‘like’ to feel myself forced to do something by a particular time.

I was able to produce, by the deadline, an enjoyed by all stag do and one of the best best man speeches many in the room had ever heard.

After analysing the whole process I noticed four features enabled me to complete this goal:

One-  Deadline
If I hadn’t had that deadline, laid down by others, I know I wouldnt have had it done by that time, if at all.

Interestingly, whilst I felt forced by the timescale into doing these things, i enjoyed putting it all together.

So I need a concrete end date…a finish line if you will. One which does not move, will enable me to get things done, and by that I mean finished.

Two- Shame
I completed the task becuase I did not want to let other people down. Well actually I have come to realise that at heart I am somewhat selfish. So I realised it was more to do with, not letting myself down in the eyes of others, specifically friends (hmm, or I suppose clients too…interesting thought).

In the past I have comitted to going on a course, got half way through and run off, not completing it. But with this, I couldn’t run away from my friends even if i had wanted to.

Three- Reminders
When I have set myself mini goals and not achieved them, I had been motivated right at the beginning, in fact, perhaps for at least the first week. Then *boom*, lose focus, do something else instead and there goes the goal.

And I was doing this with the stag do, i have to admit. It took my friend the groom, to call me up occasionally to ask how it was going, that kick started me again into the work. It was amost like I had forgotten what i was doing, lost my way a little.

Reminders  will work to keep myself on track, now to figure out what kind.

Four- Inspiration
I know that when i am inspired I will focus and enjoy doing the thing I don’t want to do, so trick number four is to find what inspires me and look at it once a week. Which means, scheduling a slot to look, listen or talk about something. This however brings about its own problems, because that is a mini goal in itself I need to keep….for myself!

All of this is no one-off. Writing this page I remembered writing a school play which I was bulled into doing. I stressed out for days on end about it but it ended up being the most humerous play of the entire school show!! (and it will remain one of my most proud moments.)

I had to write…..

something.

Do I need glasses?

 

virtual glasses

I went to the opticians (specsavers) last week for an eye check. They diagnosed me with +1 long sight in both eyes, with a slight Cylindrical and Axis distortion in the left over the right. The optician said that I would benefit from glasses, especially while watching TV and using the computer.

 

I was quite chuffed, strangely you may think. Perhaps many people don’t want glasses, but I was looking forward to getting some.

 

Today I booked myself in to the local independant opticians for again, an eye test. This time, the prescription was +.5 and +.25 (L and R), over half what the Specsavers optician had said.

Why would this be different?

A couple of ideas popped into my head. 

1) Specsavers are a mass market glasses retailer who will sell anyone glasses.

2) Bearing in mind the test was only a tenner, the optician at Specsavers was perhaps on a low rate of pay and was working in a dimly lit smelly basement, never good for the moral and interest.

3) The local independent optician given that he has set up his own ’surgery’ has a greater self interest in serving the needs of his clients and probably a greater respect and keenness on his chosen profession.

I worked in a photography company which was run who I imagine Specsavers to be. Charge’m nothing, pack’em in, make the money on volume of sales (debateably at the expense of quality and care taken).

Compare that to working for an independant photographer who has been doing his own thing for 20 years and you begin to see why I went for a second opinion.

 

I found the independent optician to be more interested, happy, keen and knowledgeable (thus confirming my suspicions). But taking that out of the equation and assuming each were equally as competent. Why so different on 2 different days?

I can put this down to a few factors..

Specsavers used a projector to display the sight charts (similar in experience to your computer LCD screen), Mr Independent used a traditional ’sight box’ (flat translucent screen with a light behind).  I found the projected image more difficult to read than the light box and the specsavers optician took readings in complete darkness whereas the independent’s room was well light with natural light.

The second factor may have been that over the last few days I have been taking copious amounts of vitamin C for a cold I currently have. This does tend to make my eyes feel better and it was confirmed by the optician today that VitC is good for the eyes.

My vision certainly felt sharper today compared to last week, but still who was right, glasses or not glasses?

 

I figure that in the worst case scenario (ie with the lights out watching tv or the computer lcd screen) glasses would help. But in a normal scenario I don’t need them. Most of the time I will be in a ‘normal’ scenario, so why bother.

 

I am still looking forward (no pun intended) to getting glasses if the true need ever arises.

Running for the Heart Foundation

 

On the way

Yeah, I did it. 2 and a half miles. Who would’ve thought it hey?

 

If you wish to sponsor me for doing it paste this into your browser’s address bar.. http://www.justgiving.co.uk/andyfunrun

 

At the finish

Curvy and Friends

Life

More thoughts on jobs me and money

Why do i find it easier to work for no money than for money. Its like doing it for free makes it more rewarding?

Is it because i feel i am giving of myself benevolently is it that accepting money makes me feel like a prostitute?

I want to feel good when I work, I want to feel that work values my principles, can i get this while earning money as well? Perhaps the issue of earning money butts up against my freedom issue. By giving me money does it make me feel people are tying me in, are they saying here is what you need to live and of you don’t do this, you won’t get it.

Is money then like an addictive drug, as soon as i see it in return for my work i feel enslaved by it. Do I fear not getting it and then get resent ‘they’ are making me feel like this?

A conversation begins in my head between a older man, a stranger, and a young boy….

Would you like some candy little boy..go on, do something I want you to do and i will give you some.

Wow, is that the way i feel about working for money, like a dirt old man is trying with a lure to get me to do something I don’t want to do.

Another imaginary conversation between a employer and an employee….
“yes, this job pays £16,000 a year and your responsibilities are outlined below”
AKA
‘You had better work or you don’t get the money’

Kind’ve like overbearing parents using guilt to get their kids to do something…a method which I hate and have always rebelled against.

So I go after all these ideas of work I would love to do and get caught up in these internal rebellions because I don’t feel comfortable accepting money for what I do!!?

I want to feel like I have helped someone, how can I do this when I am accepting something in return? The playing field becomes level and I want it to be unbalanced with me at the top having given something to someone.

Ahh, so perhaps its an ego thing. Makes me feel good to give something to someone makes me better than them? By giving me money it means I am not better than them, I am actually the same as every one else and this hurts my fragile ego.

And then my thoughts get on to….
“So if I am going to receive money then I better receive a lot of it because I am worth it goddammit, £5/hour is way below what I deserve”.

Oooh, so we’re coming to the kernel of the issue. It may all be based around my need to feel superior to people (no payment) and issue of not feeling highly valued enough when I am paid, if paid poorly.

What a binding situation, no wonder I have job issues!!!

There is another more positive less reproachful way of looking at it…..perhaps I am just someone who doesn ‘t quite get this whole working for money thing.

Meh! Perhaps I am not born for the capitalist lifestyle, perhaps i would rather work for the greater good than work for myself. Perhaps deep down I know that this isn’t what life’s about.

Perhaps I should go live with the Amazonian tribesmen who trade goods and do things for their community with nothing needed in return. Their houses are made by people who do the same their food is cooked likewise, everyone helps each other.

So is there a resolution to this. Yup, find something I love to do so much that I don’t care how much they pay me. Then the fact I love it will shine through, I will eventually start to earn more money as I am valued more.

So pretty much the same as everyone else then

Poem – ‘To be me’

 

To Be Me

To be me is to be curious,
all different, complex,
a multitude of people
all fighting at once.

A teacher, a counselor, a mediator, a priest,
a poet, a writer, a cooker of feasts.

A Crystal, an Indigo, an I.N.F.P.,
a Da Vinci, a Star Child, a bringer of peace,
a learner, a wiseman, a passer of trade
of knowledge from ancients most recently betrayed.

I bring you an answer, a truth for our time,
the facts that you need are buried inside.
To show it, to heal it needs
a measure of trust,
friends who honor you,
not grind you to dust.

Some time spent in solitary
to be who you are.
Some time spent on purpose
to discover your star.

But don’t listen to me to
tell you your answer,
be curious and hopeful,
grow up and be a life dancer.

By Andrew Maxwell
Published in the 2006/2007 Filton College yearbook

 

The trouble with jobs…

Poem – Where is this all going?

 

Full of Fear

 

Full of fear
I walk towards the light.
Full of fear I seek the truth,
Full of hope I join the fray
Full of wonder I ask for my best
to help myself to pass the test.

 

Here I go, a journey of smiles,
I will need support to last the miles.
Perhaps it will come in the form of desire
longing to pull me from the mire.
From the mire of fear and self deceipt,
I want to stay here,
I won’t be leaving with a blank receipt.

 

Full of fear I ask for the choice.
Full of hope I seek my future.
Full of praise for the natural tutor.
Full of wonder I ask for my best.
Full of praise I stand up to this life, the test.

Baby Steps

Hi, my name is Mark and I am but still young…

Right now I am doing something I don’t have a name for buy grown-ups call it crawling. Apparently in a little while I am expected to do something call walking. I don’t exactly know what that is but it involves using my feet but not my hands. It’s a very strange idea, can’t think of why I should want to do that, this seems perfectly adequate.

Sometime later: Its a few weeks after my last posting and I am getting deep urges to do this two legged thing. Yesterday I gave it a go and fell over straight away, but that’s ok. I shook myself off, it was a shock hitting the ground but I will give it another crack tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Well I gave it a go today but still haven’t cracked it yet. Again tried to just use my feet but fell over once more, will try again tomorrow.

The next day: Ok, so here we are again, I tried it once more today and still no luck, I will be better tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Determined to crack this 2 feet-no hands thing and I realised that by finding support I could hold myself in a kind of 2 feet position, even if I couldn’t do it fully. Wanted to stay there but got tired and fell down. It’s looking good. I will rest a few days and try again next week.

Next week: Well well! I held myself up on 2 feet for longer than before, with the support of my trusty teddy (he’s very big). But what do I do now? Perhaps if I keep doing this I will get there (and at least this is better than where I was last week, I couldn’t even do it then).

The week after: Took one hand off teddy today, fell back down. Well chuffed. Next day: Took both hands off teddy today, many claps from my grown-ups, it made me feel good and I want to do it for longer next time.

Next time: Now I am getting kisses and hugs from my grown-ups…..I did the two feet thing and raised my hands in the air!

Now: I can stand and, ok, it isn’t for a long time before I need my grown-ups to catch me, but they are pleased and that’s good enough for me. Will crack it soon.

End of Diary Entry for Mark, a 35 year old lawyer who dreams of being a singer.

At the Chiropractors

I was at the chiropractors today…long story…and got chatting to the receptionist. Said that I was looking for a job and she mentioned there was a receptionists role going there.

It would be a lovely job, great people, nice environment, but it wouldn’t pay the money I need to live.

Then I had this light-bulb moment which nutshelled all the thoughts i have had about jobs over the last few years.

Culminating in two camps. It was like a clearing of the waves in my mind……

1 > I would love to work there, but i would get frustrated that i wasn’t able to do anything as I would have no money.

2> working in a business environment would give me the money I need to have a life outside work but it would frustrate me as I would feel constrained by the office environment and hierarchy.

So either I have one, or the other.

[Never think that a period in between work is dead time, on the contrary it is a time to reflect and consider your life.]
Both?

A couple of philosophical questions popped up….
1) How can I have both?
2) Would I work at the Chiropractors if they paid me £20000 a year?

Firstly …2)
Yes i believe I would. I would get bored after a while but it would be a lovely place to work.

Secondly..1)
So how can I have a lovely work environment and earn decent money?
Working for someone else I would need to work my way up an organisation so I could feel I had some measure of responsibility and independence, or, work for myself.

Snow and Rock

Similar thoughts occurred when I was thinking about the Boot Fitting job at Snow and Rock. In that I would really like to do the job but only if it paid more.

I would need something else to do in the evenings to relieve that frustration at being ordered around and anything I want to do requires money. Then I get frustrated about not having money. Then i get frustrated about the job not paying enough money and frustrated from not being able to release myself from the frustration of working for someone else.

Seeing a Careers Counsellor

I went to see a careers counsellor, wow I am so conceited sometimes. I really thought that she wouldn’t tell me anything that I could trust. How could ‘they’ know how I feel about work?

We talked for a while I mentioned a few things I liked and she mentioned the idea of a Tour Guide. Not just any tour guide..and adventure tour guide.

This would certainly fulfil alot of my needs, but what about the money?

She brought up an interesting concept. Faith. She told me to have faith. Choosing something that I would be happy doing will lead to good things.

I mentioned the money situation and she talked about having to go backwards to go forwards. Again, she is so right, “but” I asked “where will it go”.
“Faith” she said.

Where now?

As my previous entry stated I will be going back into IT. Primarily to earn money. It’s the lesser of two evils right now

The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives is to think
we work for anybody but ourselves. ~ Brian Tracy

Selfish Behaviour?

That’s it, working for other people officially sucks.

I have decided to do something for myself for a change.

My jobs over the recent past have been focused on trying to get a balance between helping others and helping myself at the same time (a typical Virgo issue). Or a balance between what I think others think I should do and what I want to do (I wrote that sentence and still had to read it twice to make sense of it!).

Anyway, as yet, life isn’t quite how I want it. So now its all about me.

“It’s a strange thing about life, if you ask for it, you will usually get it. What are you asking for?” ~ unknown

Stuff working for others i want to work for myself, be self directed.

I have tried to find something I can enjoy and which will give me a lifestyle want and I have found many things which were close, but not quite the cigar I was looking for.

It doesn’t help that if someone said to me
“So Andrew, what lifestyle DO you want?”.
I would probably have a million answers.
Hence why I don’t trust what anybody else advises me to do, their advice can’t take into account my ever changing moods, need, wants and desires.

Thinking about it for a mo’ I guess then my answer to the question would be..

“I want life to be a constantly changing experience, one which is different day by day”

..which is really what I AM already doing.

“The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit.”

~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Flight to Arras, 1942, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

Anyway, back to work…Work i do during the day for someone else is just to fill in time whilst i develop the other things i enjoy. Day-work for others it is the stuff i do to earn the money i require to live and eat whilst my brain ticks over the other options constantly making plans and inventing ideas.

So, if some bloke wants to pay me good money to sit on a helpdesk and answer phone calls in order that I can a) Paraglide b)Ski c) start my on business d) play guitar etc. then great.

For now, I have decided to go back into IT. I will probably earn about £16,000 as an IT helpdesk bloke, with no particular aspirations to go further than that. But is the absolute minimum I need to live in this country. Then I can go about ordering my life around the pursuit of happiness.

[Edit: I actually didn't go back into I.T. , I followed my heart and went to work in a Ski shop!  Andy, 2009]

Its what the last 6 years have been about really, finding out what makes me happy.

Back then I may have thought that work alone was meant to make me happy…(and I still am on the pursuit of work which does)…but now have a more balanced view. So I am now going after things outside work which make me happy and lets see if any kind of work comes out of that.

What Work?
—————–
For work to make me happy I need to do something which is personally meaningful, which is a self-directed force, an outpouring of my creative ambition, something which is an expression of me. I can put my heart and soul into it, I can focus and give my full self to in the belief that it is where I was meant to be.

“Seek out that particular mental attitude which makes
you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which
comes the inner voice which says, “This is the real me,”
and when you have found that attitude, follow it.”
~ W James.

And people, remember…

“The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives is to think we work for anybody but ourselves“. ~ Brian Tracy

Thanks for listening.

Andy

Fasting for Ramadan

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to partake in a sponsored fast on 10th October. The idea being to better understand the Muslim faith.

During Ramadan one is not allowed to eat or drink between sun-up and sun-down. That translates to 5.30am to 6.30pm.

At 5pm the few at the college who are doing this will drive down to Radio Ramadan, Bristol to join a group of Muslims who run the station break their fast.

I couldn’t resist writing a blog…

<< Written @ 8am >>

I woke at 5.30 to organise breakfast, of course it took half an hour to get out of bed so i rushed to get my large meal organised by the 6.30 cut off time. Bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms..mmmmmmmmm. I finished it off on time and went back to bed for an hour! Still woke feeling groggy

At this point I must admit to forgetting the nil-by-mouth rule by groggily brushing my teeth at 8am. I am sure all willl be ok

<< Written @ 12.30pm >>

It’s now 12.30 and I neeed to stop thinking about the hugh nosh-up at Radio Ramadan this evening – the more I think about those steaming bowls of rice and veggie’s and…and….drooooooll!! How Muslisms do this in hot countries for a whole month I don’t know. I was thirsty about half an hour after leaving for walk….no water all day..aggghh!

Well, if millions of people can do this for weeks on end, I am sure I can!!

6 hours to go!

<<@1pm>>

Ok, so now my concentration is going, I feel a bit spacey as my blood sugar level drops below critical! If this was a nuclear reactor men in silver suits would be running around waving their hands in the air. But it’s not and I must peresvere. It’s a shame I haven’t vast stores of fat on me to cushion the blow. Ahh, the perils of being thin.

5 1/2 hours to go.

<<@2.30>>

I am flagging. I feel spacey, a touch high. Complete lack of concentration and I don’t care about anything. Tired because I woke early and from a lack of food. But its strange I don’t feel that hungry. 4 hours to go!

<<@4pm>>

I just want to eat, give me sugar. My legs are weak and my hands are shaking slightly. I am SO tired!

2 1/2 hours to go.

<<@6pm>>

I have arrived at Radio Ramadan, Bristol and it appears we are expected to be on the air to talk about ourselves. If anyone would like to tune to 87.7fm and are in the Bristol area they will hear me and a couple of tutors talking about our experiences of the day. Can’t write anymore, i’m going into the studio!

<< @7pm >>

Well my brush with local fame is over. It was interesting having the headphones over my ears and hearing myself talk. I sound studly! Apparently, according to their website there are 30,000 Muslims in bristol….i wonder who was listening to my dribble. It went something like this. …

Presenter: ” So Andy, you have told us that you work with students with learning difficulties. What do you think are the benefits of having a multi-faith community at the college”

Me: “erm…right..well….i think it’s great that there are people of all faiths at the college, it’s helpful to learn about people with different faiths to your own”

I started to loose it a little here…no idea what to say next and was completely unprepeared for this question so my brain was saying… ‘you are repeating yourself Andy, wrap this up, now’ so I said the killer line…

Me: “….and after all, we are all the same right, just with different beliefs. “

OOOH baby, a rubbish beginning with a cracking end…..ahhh. the fonze is back!

<< @8pm >>

We started eating at 6.30 and boy was I looking forward to that! Rice, meat, potatoes and bahji’s after my low blood sugar level induced babbling over the airwaves..LUSH!! I even got a doggy bag to take home. Thanks to all those at Radio Ramadan 87.7 Bristol.

So that was the text about how much I missed the food….but seriously…

I learned that Ramadan exsists amongst other things ‘ help learn self restraint ‘ (wikipedia), because Muslims are commanded to (person at Radio Station) and because it helps us to understand starving and water deprived people all around the world (another person at the station). So essentially, it is part of their belief system and they do it for a number of reasons. All of which, strangley for a non-relgious person, an infidel, makes sense.

I appreciated the experience, I can see the reasons and I would do it again next year, but perhaps no more than that.

<>The next day>>

I feel really good! I could concentrate and was more focused than normal. Coincidence?

Before Bed

It’s a nice bathroom, technically a wet-room. Toilet, bathroom, heated tile floors, all in one.

What I am dreaming of right now…..

*sigh*…..

Hi Polly,

hi polly,

I thought Barrow Gurney village hall sounded a wierd place to play, very local-yokal, but then I had never been there. It turned out to be a warm and atmospheric place with great acoustics. And i really do think that those seaguls hanging from the ceiling helped to set a nice tone in an otherwise quite angular, local, village hall….no, really!

I was so pleased to meet you tonight. I have listened to and loved your music for a few years now and have looked forward to seeing you live for so long. Tonight you blew me away with your music, a great mix of alternate tuning songwriting and vocal emotion, just incredible, thanks.

For all those who haven’t seen Polly, or should I say, seen how her audience reacts to her it’s fascinating. The whole lot of us were all spellbound, i think we all forgot to start clapping at the end of one of the songs because we were too lost in the music!

I hope you come back to Bristol soon.

Andy

http://www.pollypaulusma.com

5:30am

It’s early, real early. I’ve woken up and can’t get to sleep again. Hoards of thoughts and ideas are going through my mind – about people, jobs, situations but more than that, about possibilities.
Then it strikes me, my life has always been about these possibilities. It’s been like that since I was 10 seconds old. Every day I want something new, every time I go out in the evening, every time I meet people, everywhere I go something has to be different. It’s like I crave the ever changing nature of life.
I know I could ever go to a class and be happy doing it every Tuesday at 7:30pm. I don’t think I would ever be content meeting the same people at the same pub at the same time every week regularly, I would get bored.
This anti-neutrality of situation pervades all aspects of my life. You will have noticed it most with my job situation. Or should I say situations.
Change, constant change, variation, lack of sameness, rotation, movement, vibration. All is good.

If the most torturous fate
was a mind, caged,
who would understand?

If you always found life’s elixir
in striving rather than getting,
who would understand?

If you gambled rather than nest-egged
and hit jackopt once of seven,
who would understand?

(from 'The nudist on the late shift' by Po Bronson)