New ‘About Me’ page text

My New ‘About Me’ page for this blog

Early on in andrew’s life he decided that a non-conformist route would suit him best. Something perhaps to do with a rigid catholic school upbringing, but whatever it was, it has taken him down some interesting routes.

Andrew has been a ski-instructor, psychology teacher, I.T. consultant, car-park atendant, barrista, ski boot fitter, running shoe gait analyser, directory enquiries operator, shop worker. Phew!

What Andrew does for a living is important to him, whatever it happens to be at that time, it’s always something which resonates with his inner life.

“I want to connect with people, help them in some way, but I also feel it’s important to help myself by enjoying the process. Life can be about excitement and that’s what I constantly strive for.”

Writing is a integral part of Andrews life. His words allow him to express thoughts and ideas which otherwise would go unsaid and he wants his primary writing focus- topics of self-help and insight – to be that which will help others on their way. He is also in the process of writing a childrens book about a young girl who daydreams alot!

The way he wishes to help people as well as himself is not something he has fully defined yet but this blog has been a starting point on the road of inspiration. Read his post on ‘Life is like a game of table football’ for the type of writing he loves to do.

I want the world

I want the world

Feelings

Thoughts give you ideas to follow, feelings tell you where to go.

Is all this western freedom of choice a good thing?

Wooden Hope

An article in the English Sunday Telegraph magazine recently, talked about a famous film and the deeper nature of its story related to todays society. This paragraph hit me as perhaps one of the reasons many people feel frustrated with their lives.

“The key to the appeal…is the way it addresses the fundamental anxieties in American culture. ‘ What the story speaks to is mastering a sense of inadequacy that’s built into the American system. In other words: you’re free to become who you want. Which is terrifying, because you have no support. This sense of can I make it, am I good enough, do I have the right stuff? [the film] is a little capitalist bliss, everything’s perfect, shiny, grand. And I think it speaks about the longing and the feeling – the hope – that we’re all right inside ourselves and can reach that.’ “

What if I didn’t own a car?

1994 1.6cl Excellent condition, 99,200 miles

If you didn’t own a car would you feel like a social outcast? Somewhat different from the rest of society?

I am preparing my car for sale, contemplating what it will feel like to be without one for the first time in 15 years. I am, on one hand, looking forward to it and on the other scared.

I suppose I am scared because the car to me is a method of obtaining a slice of personal freedom, or holding some control over my course in life. Not having one might mean I feel cooped up, or have to resort to the sheep like mode of transport that is public.

As with many things in my life, what I believe to be true is actually completely the opposite (thank goodness!) so in reality it will probably mean I will feel free-er than ever and might even improve my fitness levels (bike and walk being the new modes of transport).

Anyway, I secretly enjoy being different to most people. So if you see a cyclist speeding past you in a queue. Only to find him arrive at work at exactly the same time as you (whilst you have been sitting in the normal Monday traffic jam), be assured he is smiling as he locks it to the stand, safe in the knowledge he is not one of the crowd.

MOtiVatING mySELF

Motivation and hard work

I have been thinking about how to motivate myself. How to spur myself on to do something when there is no-one else to do it for me, or no-one to apologise to when it isn’t done.

This has permeated my life and reduced my potential.

So I decided to consider what it was that made me do things, that helped me to achieve goals and to see what it would take to replicate them in a way I could feel comfortable with.

I was recently given the honor of being a best man. Which meant that I needed to organise a stag party and give a speech at the wedding.

Now these were two very specific dates I *had* to do things by.

I am a person who doesn’t necessarily like, but is highly motivated by deadlines. It’s a perverse ‘like’ to feel myself forced to do something by a particular time.

I was able to produce, by the deadline, an enjoyed by all stag do and one of the best best man speeches many in the room had ever heard.

After analysing the whole process I noticed four features enabled me to complete this goal:

One-  Deadline
If I hadn’t had that deadline, laid down by others, I know I wouldnt have had it done by that time, if at all.

Interestingly, whilst I felt forced by the timescale into doing these things, i enjoyed putting it all together.

So I need a concrete end date…a finish line if you will. One which does not move, will enable me to get things done, and by that I mean finished.

Two- Shame
I completed the task becuase I did not want to let other people down. Well actually I have come to realise that at heart I am somewhat selfish. So I realised it was more to do with, not letting myself down in the eyes of others, specifically friends (hmm, or I suppose clients too…interesting thought).

In the past I have comitted to going on a course, got half way through and run off, not completing it. But with this, I couldn’t run away from my friends even if i had wanted to.

Three- Reminders
When I have set myself mini goals and not achieved them, I had been motivated right at the beginning, in fact, perhaps for at least the first week. Then *boom*, lose focus, do something else instead and there goes the goal.

And I was doing this with the stag do, i have to admit. It took my friend the groom, to call me up occasionally to ask how it was going, that kick started me again into the work. It was amost like I had forgotten what i was doing, lost my way a little.

Reminders  will work to keep myself on track, now to figure out what kind.

Four- Inspiration
I know that when i am inspired I will focus and enjoy doing the thing I don’t want to do, so trick number four is to find what inspires me and look at it once a week. Which means, scheduling a slot to look, listen or talk about something. This however brings about its own problems, because that is a mini goal in itself I need to keep….for myself!

All of this is no one-off. Writing this page I remembered writing a school play which I was bulled into doing. I stressed out for days on end about it but it ended up being the most humerous play of the entire school show!! (and it will remain one of my most proud moments.)

Do I need glasses?

 

virtual glasses

I went to the opticians (specsavers) last week for an eye check. They diagnosed me with +1 long sight in both eyes, with a slight Cylindrical and Axis distortion in the left over the right. The optician said that I would benefit from glasses, especially while watching TV and using the computer.

 

I was quite chuffed, strangely you may think. Perhaps many people don’t want glasses, but I was looking forward to getting some.

 

Today I booked myself in to the local independant opticians for again, an eye test. This time, the prescription was +.5 and +.25 (L and R), over half what the Specsavers optician had said.

Why would this be different?

A couple of ideas popped into my head. 

1) Specsavers are a mass market glasses retailer who will sell anyone glasses.

2) Bearing in mind the test was only a tenner, the optician at Specsavers was perhaps on a low rate of pay and was working in a dimly lit smelly basement, never good for the moral and interest.

3) The local independent optician given that he has set up his own ’surgery’ has a greater self interest in serving the needs of his clients and probably a greater respect and keenness on his chosen profession.

I worked in a photography company which was run who I imagine Specsavers to be. Charge’m nothing, pack’em in, make the money on volume of sales (debateably at the expense of quality and care taken).

Compare that to working for an independant photographer who has been doing his own thing for 20 years and you begin to see why I went for a second opinion.

 

I found the independent optician to be more interested, happy, keen and knowledgeable (thus confirming my suspicions). But taking that out of the equation and assuming each were equally as competent. Why so different on 2 different days?

I can put this down to a few factors..

Specsavers used a projector to display the sight charts (similar in experience to your computer LCD screen), Mr Independent used a traditional ’sight box’ (flat translucent screen with a light behind).  I found the projected image more difficult to read than the light box and the specsavers optician took readings in complete darkness whereas the independent’s room was well light with natural light.

The second factor may have been that over the last few days I have been taking copious amounts of vitamin C for a cold I currently have. This does tend to make my eyes feel better and it was confirmed by the optician today that VitC is good for the eyes.

My vision certainly felt sharper today compared to last week, but still who was right, glasses or not glasses?

 

I figure that in the worst case scenario (ie with the lights out watching tv or the computer lcd screen) glasses would help. But in a normal scenario I don’t need them. Most of the time I will be in a ‘normal’ scenario, so why bother.

 

I am still looking forward (no pun intended) to getting glasses if the true need ever arises.

Curvy and Friends

The trouble with jobs…

What I am dreaming of right now…..

*sigh*…..

New poem on ‘Lyrics and potions of my thoughtful mind’

Hey All,

I have posted a new poem on my Lyrics and Potions…. blog.

Enjoy.

Click HERE

Why landfill stuff, when you can give it away for free?!

I have just had a great experience using Freecycle (http://www.freecycle.org/groups/unitedkingdom/). I was about to put my 17″ old style Dell CRT monitor on ebay, but after checking what they were going for decided it wasn’t worth the hassle. I would rather have it gone out of my room quickly than sit around for a week and make £5 out of it.

It took much self-convincing to do it, my brain was saying “NOOOOO, get the money, get the money”. But when I imagined it gone, versus another week of it sitting about on my floor, there was no contest, the £5 could go jump!

So I advertised it on Freecycle Bristol. Its a great place for you to advertise stuff you are giving away and its local to you, too.

Within 5 minutes I had a call from a Video Media student who wanted it to edit videos with. He came round to collect it within 15 minutes. FANTASTIC, that thing has been sitting around my room for over a year doing nothing!

He was so grateful too, and there was me suprised at this…I was happy to have it gone. But I suppose I was giving it to him

Written work for a friend’s website.

This is some text I wrote for a friends website, she is just starting up as an NLP therapist.

“Marcia is an accredited therapist who will use tools and techniques to re-progam the unconcious mind enabling you to experience events without the negative emotions which would normal hold you back.

Your perspective on life will be altered and situations where previously you felt unhappy or dispontant, scared or frustrated will now be more accurate and positive. In fact you may wonder why you ever had those fears in the first place.

For example have you ever stood up in front of an audience to pubic speak, how did you feel…Scared? Would you like to feel something else instead…Excitement? With Marcia, you can create that, together.

Marcia doesn’t just sit there and talk, she involves you in the process by asking you to imagine, picture and feel, it is a truly interactive session.

So come to the Enso rooms and experience what it is like to look forward to your goals, look forward to your future. But this time looking forward not with worry but with excitement and while you are at it give yourself a pat on the back for owning up to your own fears.

You are worth making a change for, you are worth helping, you are worth whatever it is you want.

Be your own best friend and let somone guide you. let that person be Marcia.”

I am proud of this. Having re-read it a month later it’s a little clunky but pretty professional IMHO and just a touch of ‘American’ without being too cheesy.

Check out her site, at

http://lifestylemechanics.webeden.co.uk/

Good luck Marcia

Top o’the Mountain

The fresh flurrys of drifted snow prickle my face like sea spray as I walk to the edge to begin my controlled slide (technical term you know!) to the bottom.

What was it about ski instructing I disliked? I felt really good doing it and proud to come back to tell all my friends. Felt really happy, a different person, healthy and fit too.

But it became frustrating. What with the dark morning early starts and non-stop lessons, it was very restricting. I felt controlled, and, I was. I had no say in what lessons I took, no say in how many a day I did, I was paid by the lesson…no work, then no money. Towards the end I started to turn down the lessons when I could, just to rest and relax.

I said to myself at the end of it all, I would love to do it at weekends but all week, sometimes 6 days…more than i wanted to handle.

You know what? Its the same job as with photography. Huh? You may remark.
Well, it is exactly the same situation, the same customers, the same kids (and doing the same thing with them), the same controlled work schedule.

But it’s not exactly the same surely? No, the ONLY differences are,
- no early starts
- it’s not outdoors
- I am teaching kids how to sit still, not move in the right way!!

So I seem to be attracted to these low paying controlling jobs!

But they do give me change, variety, experiences and people contact. Perhaps I need some work which is self-controlling huh?!!!! And perhaps I need work which provides the opportunity to travel, variety of experiences, people contact and change.

I have been thinking again about Counselling again. Long term, with the aim of doing overseas work, perhaps for charities, the UN or some other aid agency. This work is more in need since the climatic troubles ‘began’ e.g. the Tsunami.
Other than that, SLT, Speech Language Therapy, Mentoring, Coaching are another ideas I am working on.

I got the real urge last night, to setup a Charity, helping young kids to discover the work of their dreams whilst still at school. In my experience the limited experiences of their parental situations and friends cannot provide the inspiration and exposure they need. MY work experience was 2 weeks at an office filing paper. How useful is THAT. Man it makes me mad.

Building up the information base and confidence is now the order of the day. If I have that, I can make an informed decision and move forward, instead of shifting sideways again.

I had an email through the other day. ‘Workers required for US and CA ski fields , Season 2006/7′ Hmmmmm, I am tempted!!!!!

x

I am published!

My very first published work The Big Issue are keen to help out novice writers and i chose to review a childrens book . (on Page 28 if you happen to have the July 31- August 6 Southwest Issue)

CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE

I am exploring the potential of writing to gain income. Its a slow process discovering what type of writing i wish to do. Travel is certianly something which has come up, as well as self-help work. Will let you know when there are updates.

Thanks for reading and hey….comments welcome.

Andy

Who are your earliest influenc-ers?

I dont remember too many happy times at school. Now thats not to say that it was a solely unhappy part of my life and perhaps i only remember the frustrated hard times but when your teachers hit you for doing something you didnt realise was an innapropriate thing to do, it’s going to confuse things a bit.

These days I read books that tell you the parents are the cause of your adult issues, i read books that tell you that you chose the parents you were born to, before you were born (now WHO’s fault is that again? ) but lets think about this, has anyone thought about teachers?

Teachers man, they have potential to change you, to build you up or break you. You spend the first 5 years of your life being told what not to do, how to act and how not to, by your parents. And the rest of your 18 years before you leave school, half your day is split with the teachers half with the parents. For the sake of me trying to convince you that i’m right, ignore holidays. Thats 13 of your most important years you spent half the time with teachers. Thus implying that teachers have an equal effect on your upbringing as your parents!

I wasn’t exactly a model child when young. The phrases i remember teachers saying to me the most was “How DARE you do that..” and when i said sorry “I should think so too…” OOOOH that made my blood boil, i dont like apologising to this day. I knew even then that they were insecure power needing idiots. I guess there were nice teachers, but i dont remember them like that. I do remember being quite bored at school, sitting down all the time, listening to stories and writing, i guess i must’ve done these ‘bad’ things to keep it interesting for me. So much so that the headmaster’s/mistress’ office became a second home.

Listening to myself at work I can still see that little guy coming out. Working with kids all day means i can have fun and not sit down in an office (aka school) having people tell me what to do and i can be sarchastic to adults just to get them to smile for the camera, thus taking out my with-adult childhood frustrations vicariously on them. This tells me alot about why i am doing this job

Teachers…….already i’m done for, and we havent even touched on school friends…..!

‘Making’ the perfect job

The other week i was thinking, that I have been searching for a perfect job for 5 years now…..

and then it struck me,

What if it’s about making the perfect job?

A light went on inside my head (and i resolved to write this down – you are reading the results of this).

Searching for my perfect job, searching for my perfect job, searching. Am i relying on other’s versions of a job, others who value money over the happyness of an employee in a role? Am i really ever going to be happy with someone elses definition of a job.

- ‘Searching’ suggests that something is missing

- ‘Searching’ is a word coming from a sense of lack – of moving – looking for a better place than i am at right now

- ‘Searching’, searching for a role someone else defines for you.

Wouldn’t I rather work for something I define?

Underground art show, Bristol

A friend invited me to an underground art exhibition just south of the river in Bristol. Squatters had entered a unused warehouse about the size of a five-a-side footy pitch and created a creative exhibition. Travellers, hippies, dreadlocked friendly types brought along their own distinctive brand of street art. Graffiti murals, photographs, iron sculpture or just a pile of carefully arranged plastic tyres and bottles on the floor. The displays were wide ranging.

Possibly the most intriguing was Lisa’s. She had brought along a small van’s worth of things picked up over the years and created a small space, lit with tea lights in a dark corner of the warehouse. She called this space her garden. A deck chair and some wood provided the seating. Contemplative messages were written on everyday objects, like street cones, drift wood or board, pot plants gave some greenery and people were invited to come into this space to relax. It was suprisingly calming, just a few people in this small area surrounded by old bits of stuff most with meanings.

The atmosphere on the first night was one of activity and for me at least, wonder. People setting up their little sections of work and waiting for others to arrive, sitting on old sofa’s eating home made curry and drinking cider. Some had brought their kids along who were jetting around the site on push-scooters, superman capes flying out behind them. Thinking about it though, ‘brought their kids along’ is probably an incorrect description, most likely their kids are always with them with this being a part of their travelling lifestyle.

I went back there on the last night, had missed the old clothes fashion show. Catching the end of the event it all felt different, over, not new, done. People were milling about chatty but they were smoking a creatives post-coital cigarette. Energies used and enjoyed.

First photo taken during the running of a home made film , rear projected onto cloth.

Andy

Food Cravings (work in progress)

In my experience food cravings can occur for a number of reasons and people are led to consume pretty particular foodstuffs.

Food wanted

————

Those foodstuffs tend to be Sugar, Wheat, Chocolate, Alcohol and this is by no means an exhaustive list.

(notice that none of these are really healthy foods….does anyone you know crave salad?)

The Culprits of cravings

———————-

dietry imbalance

spiritual un-fulfillment

emotional unease

creative repression

How?

—–

I will be dealing here with the last two on the list: Creative repression and Emotional Unease

We all have an energy flowing through us, when we are happy and life is effortless all is good, but as soon as we try to stop something happening due to fear (our own personal expansion, some work we need to do or creating something like art or writing) we can experience a nervous, out of control feeling. We want to shut down the strong flow of energy and instead of being fearful regain control. For some people food is a way to block this feeling.

Eating sugar or fats and certian carbohydrates may leave them feeling dulled, hung over, unable to focus – blurry. They use food to block energy and change. As the nervy feeling comes over them that they are going too fast and into who knows what, they reach for fo0d. A big bowl of ice cream, an evening of junk food and their system clogs; What was i thinking? What….oh nevermind….

The mmoment a creative, fearful or challenging thought raises its head it is lopped off by the craving…this blocks fear and prevents risk.

So which is your block?

———————-

Line up the possibilities.. Which one makes you angry to ever think about giving up? ……………………………..Well?

That explosive one is the one that has caused you the most derailment. Examine it…….

Is it sabotaging your growth?

Ask yourself this question also…Am i eating/drinking this to numb the worry of my inner emptyness?

What do you do to help?

———————–

Recognise what is happening within you before the cravings strike.

1) Begin to notice what you are thinking and where you were going (metorapholically) before you got that feeling of needing that foodstuff? Was it that you began to worry (in the tinyest of ways) about for example: University, the painting you need to complete, the friend you need to phone, your meeting new people tonight perhaps you are worried about going out in a large group of people in a loud environment that evening and satisfying your craving helps to numb that pain?

Take note: More than likely the thought that creates this cravnig is deelpy buried and may take sometime to come into your concious…keep noticing in what situation the craving arrives, you will find an answer.

2) Emotional. What are you feeling before the craving takes hold?

DIfferent foodstuffs will repress different emotional states (**)

Is there a trend?

For example, before you get a cravging for sugar, do you feel a sense of emptyness or fear. Perhaps before you crave chocolate you have a sense of being blocked, not being able to do what you feel you have to, anger, not knowing what to do to get over that?

Satisfying the craving lets all that subside.

Take mental or actual notes of all of this to see if there are trends.

Then Realise that this is happening and Understand that YOU are creating all this, noone else.

References

The Artist Way, Julia Cameron.

Food and healing, Annemarie Colbin.

"Dad, I’m a wimp"

A young son says to his dad, “Dad i am a wimp”.

The father looks at him with loving, knowing eyes and says,

“Son you’re not a wimp”

“But i am daddy, all the boys at school tell me so ‘cos i don’t join in all their games.”

“Son”, the father says, “you’re not a wimp, you just havent found your strength yet. I can see it, i can see you are a strong and powerfull man, you just havent seen it yet” and he smiles.

“But dad, all the other boys are so strong and tough, i want what they have”.

“You know, you have something very important that they DONT have”.

“Whats that”

“Inner strength, love and compassion”.

“Eh?”

“If someone’s hurt would you go and help?”

“Yes”

“Do you think they would….let me answere this…..maybe, maybe not. Right? What you have is more important, you just haven’t seen it yet”.

“What do you mean dad, when you say that you haven’t ’seen’ it yet?”

The father replies in kind, knowing that a straight answer would’nt let his son truly learn this lesson. “What do you think life would be like if we were made perfect?” he says.

“Great! we would all be friends. we would be able to do anything we wanted”.

“Nice thought, but, that way life would be so boring. it would be terrible. All shopping at the same stores, buying the same clothes because we all know what we look good in, all eating the same food, because we know exactly what we need, all driving the same cars. Alll playing the same computer games, always the same one because it would be perfect…”

“hmm..”

“If we’re not all the same, not all perfect, it’s is so much more interesting and fun”.

“Why?”

“This way we get to find out things, to discover, explore ourselves, feel great when we do something we never thought we could, be better than we are now. Improve, invent, help, encourage, grow, expand…”

“All right dad! I’m still not sure wht you mean though?”

“Well imagine if Johhny, your best friend, were to fall down and hurt himself, what would you do?”

“I’d help him”.

“After you’d helped him, did you feel happy that you could help”.

“not sure…”

“Ok, look at it the other way. If he fell down and hurt himself, and you weren’t able to get to him to help and you could see he was hurting, would you feel sad?”

“Yes, very”.

“So SUDDENLY you were able to help him, and you did, what would you feel”.

“Great, thankful, good”.

“Exactly. If were were all perfect we could help ourselves, and we would never need to halp anyone else…we would never be able to feel that great feeling of being able to help someone. That’s just one example son” the dad pauses “Are you getting what i mean?”

“Hmm, kind’ve”.

“When you look at some movie stars on the tv going to one of their films, what do you think of them?”

“Well they look like they are having a good time”.

“Yes, they do don’t they. Do you KNOW they are having a good time”.

“Yeah, they are smiling holding hands maybe, chatting, looking happy”.

“Yep, looking happy, but inside, in here..” the father puts his hand to his chest, “..are they?

“Don’t know dad”.

“Uhhuh”.

“What are you trying to say Dad?”

“That they are in exactly the same situation as you, but a little bit older…….They may look like they are happy, people are talking about them everywhere and they are successful and rich maybe, but what’s that got to do with it, if they are not happy…..they are just like you”.

The father continues..

“What i am trying to say is that you are no better, or worse than anybody else. Just different.

So whenever you see those boys in the playground, realise that you are not like THEM, you are YOU and YOU are brilliant at being whoever YOU are. If you were like them , you would have to learn to be brilliant, like my son over there, standing on the sidelines looking and not joining in because he knows that’s not what he wants to do. Learn about your brilliance and you will be happier and shine more than any of them”.

“Ok dad.”

“Anytime”.

Does my personality suck?

Someone close to me asked…does my personality suck?

Here’s what i said…..i hope it is a help to someone.

*****

Unfortunately the hardest way but definately the best way, is to work out for yourself if your personality sucks. For example, everytime someone laughs at your jokes or smiles at something you say: take note, remember that means your personality is great.

BUT remember though that everytime it looks like

a) someone doesnt want to talk to you

b) they ask if they can speak to you later

c) don’t smile at your jokes

d) they are horrible to you

It doesn’t mean that they think your personality sucks, their thoughts are just somewhere else. They may be angry at themselves or a situation they are in and they take it out on you, however that has nothing to do with the way they think about you. In fact it has nothing to do with you full stop. What they are thinking about you, about life, about their neighbours cat is their business. It’s nothing you can change anyhow, so why bother worrying over it??

Remember…we always hurt worst, the ones we love .

*****