‘Making’ the perfect job

12 06 2006

The other week i was thinking, that I have been searching for a perfect job for 5 years now…..

and then it struck me,

What if it’s about making the perfect job?

A light went on inside my head (and i resolved to write this down – you are reading the results of this).

Searching for my perfect job, searching for my perfect job, searching. Am i relying on other’s versions of a job, others who value money over the happyness of an employee in a role? Am i really ever going to be happy with someone elses definition of a job.

– ‘Searching’ suggests that something is missing

– ‘Searching’ is a word coming from a sense of lack – of moving – looking for a better place than i am at right now

– ‘Searching’, searching for a role someone else defines for you.

Wouldn’t I rather work for something I define?

Underground art show, Bristol

11 06 2006

A friend invited me to an underground art exhibition just south of the river in Bristol. Squatters had entered a unused warehouse about the size of a five-a-side footy pitch and created a creative exhibition. Travellers, hippies, dreadlocked friendly types brought along their own distinctive brand of street art. Graffiti murals, photographs, iron sculpture or just a pile of carefully arranged plastic tyres and bottles on the floor. The displays were wide ranging.

Possibly the most intriguing was Lisa’s. She had brought along a small van’s worth of things picked up over the years and created a small space, lit with tea lights in a dark corner of the warehouse. She called this space her garden. A deck chair and some wood provided the seating. Contemplative messages were written on everyday objects, like street cones, drift wood or board, pot plants gave some greenery and people were invited to come into this space to relax. It was suprisingly calming, just a few people in this small area surrounded by old bits of stuff most with meanings.

The atmosphere on the first night was one of activity and for me at least, wonder. People setting up their little sections of work and waiting for others to arrive, sitting on old sofa’s eating home made curry and drinking cider. Some had brought their kids along who were jetting around the site on push-scooters, superman capes flying out behind them. Thinking about it though, ‘brought their kids along’ is probably an incorrect description, most likely their kids are always with them with this being a part of their travelling lifestyle.

I went back there on the last night, had missed the old clothes fashion show. Catching the end of the event it all felt different, over, not new, done. People were milling about chatty but they were smoking a creatives post-coital cigarette. Energies used and enjoyed.

First photo taken during the running of a home made film , rear projected onto cloth.


Life Coach’ed’ experiences

9 06 2006

Been doing the life coaching for 3 weeks now. [one session every week]

The best thing i have found happen is that every week i feel motivated to look a little further into things i want to do, rather than saying to myself, nahh, i will think about that/write this stuff down another day, i now no longer have the choice.

So if you want to make a change and are interested in yourself, its all very interesting.

He/she will probably start by getting you to do some exercises/homework by asking you to make list of things that e.g. you like doing, people you like being around. All of which can help remind you of who you are…stuff which you might have ‘forgotten’ or buried along the way.

The next thing on my best things about coaching list it it gives you a mirror to lookat yourself in, the coach is the mirror reflecting who you are by asking questions which get you to question yourself and your logic.

“So this is what you want to do, xxxxxxx”
(she will put it across in a different way than you did to her)
and you will say
“hey i didn’t see it like that”


“no hey, good point, i dont really want to do that”
or “wow yeah, i want it even more”

The last two weeks i have been quite down on myself and not really wanted to go…i was confused about the stuff i was saying and what i really wanted. I called the coach and told him this and he said, “well, lets talk about that then”…oh yeah! Went along and had a good session. 🙂

I have finally realised that i don’t actually want a ‘career’. And I have become much more calm over the last few weeks about my job because i have finally realised what i want work-wise isn’t going to happen with some authority figure telling me what to do. It was my coach who said he saw this in me. I kind of knew this but had no trust in this feeling until he to pointed this out. I consider the stuff i do in my spare time more important now.

To summise all this. If you need someone to

a) bounce ideas off
b) lead you to finding xxxxx (whatever it is you want to find)
c) be a personal cheerleader in your quest

Then life coaching could be for you.


Wise and childish

5 06 2006

Sometimes i feel like a wise person directing a child. I am a person who knows much, but fears much also. During these wise times, I direct myself with calmness and order. Then normal life resumes and i behave differently, behave as if programmed.

When i feel wise i feel enlightened and I have felt this many times in my life. They have occured sitting on mountaintops, watching films which touch me, in quiet meditatation or yoga sessions and when i am in touch with my true nature. That is to say when i am calm relaxed and listening to my feelings. People and situations intrude upon this inner stillness.

This stillness is one of my most treasured possesions and one of the things i most admire in myself for having found.

You know the moments in your life you will never forget? Some of mine are described above. What are they for you?
They maybe at a time when you have gained an insight, felt an emotion, done something special, done something which you never thought you could; achieved. Mine are attached with a visual memory of that moment. But they all come down to one thing, an emotional experience. Tending to be the emotion of honor, of love, of respect, of friendship.

To find this you need to be alone, alone with yourself, feel detached from ‘normal’ life, away from the mass of people. Go up a mountain, head into a canyon, watch films which teach you emotion, surf, lie on a secluded beach and watch the sky.

The child is what this life is developing, your inner child, your scared, troubled inned child.
Enlightenment and insight are your wise person.