22 08 2007

Never changes track

It’s early, real early. I’ve woken up and can’t get to sleep again. Hoards of thoughts and ideas are going through my mind – about people, jobs, situations but more than that, about possibilities.
Then it strikes me, my life has always been about these possibilities. It’s been like that since I was 10 seconds old. Every day I want something new, every time I go out in the evening, every time I meet people, everywhere I go something has to be different. It’s like I crave the ever changing nature of life.
I know I could ever go to a class and be happy doing it every Tuesday at 7:30pm. I don’t think I would ever be content meeting the same people at the same pub at the same time every week regularly, I would get bored.
This anti-neutrality of situation pervades all aspects of my life. You will have noticed it most with my job situation. Or should I say situations.
Change, constant change, variation, lack of sameness, rotation, movement, vibration. All is good.

If the most torturous fate
was a mind, caged,
who would understand?

If you always found life’s elixir
in striving rather than getting,
who would understand?

If you gambled rather than nest-egged
and hit jackopt once of seven,
who would understand?

(from 'The nudist on the late shift' by Po Bronson)

Boogie Nights Meets Star Wars!!

16 08 2007

Ok so it’s not about me, but it’s so funny! (and rude)

Back at school :)

16 08 2007


(me, in February, chilling as a teacher)

I have been working back at Filton College for 2 weeks now. Previously I worked there as a teacher, 4 months, covering maternity leave. It was a powerful and enjoyable time and I learned many things about myself, what I was capable of, and what I was not.

I badgered a few people before left about working there next academic year and after waiting for a month they offered me some working interviewing students for this year’s intake.

I really enjoy being there, its a relaxed unpressured place with lovely people.

After work today (10am-4pm, bliss!) i went back to staff room where I spent my days from February to June. I hadn’t returned there since leaving 2 months ago.

It was weird. it felt like I was looking at my old desk through someone else’s eyes, like it hadn’t been me teaching there.

Perhaps it had been me, but a different me. An old me, one from a different time.

I can liken the feeling to if you were to return to your junior school, 20 years later. Everything might be the same as you remember it, but it would feel different, like a different life.

I became wistful about the teaching roll, remembering the camaraderie in the staff room, the friendships forged in battles against time and necessity and the relief at having achieved a tall task. But at the same time knowing that no matter how much I missed them, that role wasn’t me, it wasn’t where my true skills lie, close, but no cigar.

Now I am back there I am scouring the college subversively to find a job, any job, which will keep me there. I have my foot in the door and want to get my leg through the crack.


Keep well.


Bristol Harbour festival Slideshow

5 08 2007

I met up with all sorts of friends last weekend. Friends from London, students from the college where i taught and Bristol based friends. I had a great time and plenty of laughs. You will have to wade through the firework pictures to get to the ones of me and the pirates 🙂